Forgiveness: Commanded, Costly, and Christlike

Forgiveness: Commanded, Costly, and Christlike

Introduction: The Scandal and Strength of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood and under-practiced commands in the Christian life. It’s not optional. It’s not easy. And it’s not cheap. Forgiveness is central to the gospel itself—and therefore, non-negotiable for anyone claiming to follow Jesus.

Our culture treats forgiveness like a feeling. The Bible treats it like a decision—a costly one that mirrors Christ’s own act of reconciling sinners to God. From Genesis to Revelation, forgiveness is both a divine gift and a sacred demand.

What Forgiveness Is—And Is Not

Biblical Definition (Greek: ἄφειμι | aphiemi)

The main New Testament word for “forgive” is ἀφίημι (aphiēmi, Strong’s G863). It means to release, send away, let go, cancel a debt, or dismiss. It does not mean to excuse, ignore, or forget. Forgiveness is releasing a person from the moral debt they owe you because of sin—just as God did for us.

Luke 11:4 (LEB)“And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.”

What Forgiveness Is Not

• It’s not trust. Forgiveness is immediate; trust is earned.

• It’s not denial. It acknowledges the wrong fully before releasing it.

• It’s not forgetting. God doesn’t suffer from divine amnesia (see Hebrews 10:17)—He chooses not to count sins against us (2 Corinthians 5:19).

• It’s not enabling abuse. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you let someone continue in harmful behavior without accountability.

Forgiveness Is a Command, Not a Suggestion

Jesus doesn’t offer forgiveness as spiritual advice. He commands it—with eternal implications.

Matthew 6:14–15 (NLT)“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

That’s not hyperbole—it’s a warning.

Colossians 3:13 (NLT)“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

Forgiveness is a gospel obligation, rooted in what God has already done for us in Christ.

The Cost of Unforgiveness

Refusing to forgive is spiritually toxic. It:

• Hinders your prayers

Mark 11:25 (NLT): “When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too.”

• Leads to bitterness and spiritual decay

Hebrews 12:15 (LEB): “...that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble and through this many become defiled.”

• Invites torment

  In the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21–35), Jesus describes the man being handed over to torturers. Why? Because he was forgiven much but refused to forgive others.

Matthew 18:35 (NLT)“That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

Unforgiveness doesn’t hurt your offender most—it hurts you.

Forgiveness Reflects Christ

Forgiveness isn’t just ethical. It’s evangelical—it proclaims the gospel.

Ephesians 4:32 (LEB)“Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as also God in Christ has forgiven you.”

We don’t forgive because people deserve it. We forgive because we didn’t, and Christ forgave us anyway.

Romans 5:8 (NLT)“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

When you forgive, you act like Jesus—and nothing preaches louder than that.

The Pattern of Forgiveness in Scripture

Joseph and His Brothers – Genesis 50:20–21

Joseph forgave the very brothers who sold him into slavery. He saw God’s providence in their evil and chose mercy over revenge.

David and Saul – 1 Samuel 24

Though Saul hunted him like an animal, David refused to strike back, leaving judgment to the Lord.

Jesus on the Cross – Luke 23:34

“Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”

Jesus forgave while bleeding at the hands of the guilty. That’s the bar.

Stephen the Martyr – Acts 7:60

As stones crushed his body, he prayed for his murderers:

“Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”

That’s the Spirit of Christ in action.

Practical Steps to Forgiveness

1. Name the wrong. Don’t pretend it didn’t hurt. Forgiveness starts with truth.

2. Release the debt. Say it aloud: “They don’t owe me anymore.”

3. Pray for them. Jesus said, “Pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

4. Bless them if you can. Romans 12:20 says if your enemy is hungry, feed him.

5. Repeat as necessary. Forgiveness is often a process, not a one-time event.

Forgiving from Afar: When Distance Is the Wise Choice

Forgiveness is not the same as proximity. You don’t need to stand next to someone to let go of the debt they owe you. In fact, sometimes forgiveness requires distance—especially when continued contact leads to sin, abuse, temptation, or harm to those under your care.

Jesus forgave His executioners, but He didn’t climb back on the cross. Paul instructed believers to avoid those who stir up division (Titus 3:10) and to have nothing to do with those who persist in evil (2 Timothy 3:5).

Forgiving from afar is not unforgiveness—it’s wisdom. It's acknowledging the wound, releasing the debt, and choosing peace without enabling harm. Love always protects (1 Corinthians 13:7)—and sometimes protection looks like creating holy space.

Where reconciliation isn't safe or possible, release them to God—and walk free.

What If They Don’t Repent?

You are still commanded to release the debt.

Mark 11:25 (LEB)“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone…”

It doesn’t say “if they apologize.” Forgiveness begins with you—whether or not reconciliation is possible.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Not the Same

• Forgiveness is one-sided: your decision before God.

• Reconciliation is two-sided: it requires confession, repentance, and rebuilding trust.

You can forgive without being reconciled—especially when the other person remains abusive, unrepentant, or unsafe.

Final Encouragement: Forgiveness Is Freedom

Forgiveness is hard—but it’s holy. It’s not about being passive. It’s about being free.

When Jesus rose from the grave, the first thing He offered wasn’t revenge or retribution—it was forgiveness.

John 20:23 (LEB)“If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain them, they are retained.”

Forgiveness is the mark of the Spirit-filled life. It is how we show the world that Christ is alive in us.

Summary

• Forgiveness is letting go of the debt someone owes you.

• It is commanded by Christ and modeled by Him.

• It frees you from bitterness and reflects the gospel.

• It doesn’t require the offender’s repentance—but it does require your obedience.

• It is one of the clearest signs of the Holy Spirit at work in the believer.