What the Bible Says About Marriage

What the Bible Says About Marriage

Introduction: Marriage Without Myths

Modern Christianity has adopted more tradition than Scripture when it comes to marriage. Many assume the Bible mandates formal ceremonies, government licensing, and church vows. Others believe that love alone, or sex alone, constitutes a marriage “in God’s eyes.” Still others attempt to redefine marriage altogether. What is missing in all these approaches is a return to the text and look at what the Bible actually says about marriage.

Biblically, marriage is a covenant—not a contract, not a ceremony, and not an event. It is a spiritual, physical, and emotional union before God, rooted in design, commitment, and fidelity. Scripture gives us a consistent definition from Genesis to Revelation, and it is far simpler—and far more serious—than most assume.

Marriage Begins in Genesis

Marriage is introduced by God Himself before sin ever enters the world. In Genesis 2:24, we read:

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:24, NLT)

This is not a prescription for ceremony, but for covenantal union. The Hebrew word translated “joined” is דָּבַק (dābaq, Strong’s H1692), meaning “to cling” or “stick to.” The phrase “one flesh” (בָּשָׂר אֶחָד / basar echad) indicates the deepest level of intimacy—sexual, spiritual, and relational.

Context Note: Genesis 2 contains no priest, no ceremony, and no audience. There is no mention of vows, rings, or legal registration. What defines the marriage is divine intention, covenantal union, and physical consummation.

Jesus on Marriage and Divorce

Jesus reaffirms God’s design in the New Testament:

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Matthew 19:4–6, NLT)

Jesus quotes Genesis and emphasizes that God—not a pastor or officiant—does the joining. He also rebukes the abuse of divorce, which had been permitted under Moses due to the people’s hard hearts (Matthew 19:8). Jesus points us back to creation, not culture.

Context Note: Matthew 19 is a direct confrontation with Pharisaical legalism. Jesus doesn't introduce a new view of marriage; He restores the original one.

No Church Weddings, No Vows: So What Constitutes a Marriage?

Not once in Scripture is a formal marriage ceremony described or commanded. There are weddings mentioned—like the feast in Cana—but no biblical text prescribes or outlines a wedding as a requirement. There is no account of Adam and Eve exchanging vows, no priest officiating for Isaac and Rebekah, and no temple ceremony for Ruth and Boaz.

“Then Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.” (Genesis 24:67, NLT)

No ceremony. Just union. Ruth 4 shows a legal transaction regarding land and guardianship, but nothing resembling a modern wedding.

In the ancient world, marriage was publicly recognized based on cohabitation, covenant, and familial acknowledgment—not ritual.

Christians today are wise to abide by the law of the land (Romans 13:1), but they must not confuse civil procedures with biblical mandates.

What About Tobit? A Ceremony in the Deuterocanon

Some may object: “What about the wedding scene in Tobit?” And that’s a fair point—particularly for those who take seriously the full breadth of the early Church’s Scriptures.

Indeed, the Book of Tobit, part of the Septuagint and accepted in early Christian Bibles, describes a formal celebration surrounding the marriage of Tobias and Sarah. Tobit 7–8 offers the clearest example of what might be considered a “ceremonial” wedding in biblical literature:

“So he called for a scroll and wrote out a contract, and they sealed it.” (Tobit 7:14, NLT, based on Septuagint tradition)

There is prayer, the drawing up of a marriage agreement, a meal, and even a seven-day feast. It reads much more like what we might associate with a wedding reception today.

However, several key distinctions must be made:

1. Tobit reflects Second Temple Jewish culture—not Mosaic law or Edenic design. By the time of Tobit (around the 3rd–2nd century BC), Jewish custom had evolved to include contractual elements and celebratory feasts, not unlike Greco-Roman betrothal and marriage practices. This was a cultural form, not a divine prescription.

2. Even Tobit doesn’t feature a religious officiant. The union is sealed by a contract and blessed by the couple and their family—not by a priest, Levite, or temple authority.

3. The core moment remains covenantal and sexual. The emphasis in Tobit 8 quickly shifts to Tobias and Sarah in the bridal chamber. They pray together and consummate the marriage. The sacredness of the act is not in the paper or the feast, but in the union and the prayerful commitment before God.

4. Its inclusion affirms the pattern: social recognition of marriage is acceptable and even beautiful, but not required by divine mandate. The story of Tobit demonstrates that ceremony is allowed but never commanded.

In contrast to Tobit, Ruth 4 shows a legal transaction, not a ceremonial wedding. Boaz secures the land and Ruth’s guardianship before the elders—but the scene includes no vows, officiants, or liturgy. Once again, the community recognizes the legitimacy of the union, but the actual “marriage” is understood through covenant and consummation.

Summary

Tobit reminds us that ceremonies are not evil—they are cultural. What God cares about is covenant faithfulness, not choreography. Whether with a feast or without one, what makes a marriage biblical is not a ritual—it is commitment before God, union with a spouse, and lifelong fidelity in obedience to Christ.

Sex and Covenant: What Seals the Marriage?

Sex in Scripture is deeply tied to the covenantal nature of marriage. Genesis 4:1 says:

“Now Adam had sexual relations with his wife, Eve, and she became pregnant.” (Genesis 4:1, NLT)

The Hebrew literally reads, “Adam knew Eve.” The physical union was both a result and a confirmation of the marriage—not a casual encounter. Hebrews 13:4 reinforces this:

“Marriage must be honored among all and the marriage bed undefiled, because God will judge sexually immoral people and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4, LEB)

Two key Greek terms clarify the nature of marriage and its distinction from immorality:

• γάμος (gamos, Strong’s G1062) – Marriage; this word refers to the union, not the celebration. Jesus uses it to speak of covenantal marriage, not events.

• συγκλίνω (sygklinō, “to lie with”) – Implied sexual union, emphasizing physical intimacy.

Sex without covenant is πορνεία (porneia, Strong’s G4202) — fornication. Sex within covenant is sacred and blessed.

In modern discussions about marriage, especially within Christian contexts, it’s common to hear terms like “monogamy” used without understanding their biblical and linguistic roots. However, a closer look at the Greek used in both the Scriptures and broader Hellenistic usage reveals a deeper layer of meaning that is often lost in translation.

To better understand the biblical vision of marital faithfulness, it’s worth examining the two Greek roots that form the later term monogamos—even though the word itself does not appear in the New Testament. The first, μόνος (monos), means alone, only, or single. It is used throughout Scripture to emphasize exclusivity or singularity. For example, James 2:19 affirms that “God is one,” using the term monos theos, and in Genesis 2:18 (in the Septuagint), God declares that it is not good for man to be monos—alone. The second term, γάμος (gamos), refers to marriage or a wedding feast. It appears in passages like Matthew 22:2, where Jesus compares the kingdom of heaven to a wedding celebration, and Hebrews 13:4, which calls marriage honorable and the marriage bed undefiled. In combination, these two roots—monos and gamos—later formed the word monogamos, meaning faithfully committed to one marriage partner. While monogamos itself is not found in the New Testament, its meaning is deeply reflected in Paul’s instruction that a church elder must be “the husband of one wife” (1 Timothy 3:2), literally μιᾶς γυναικὸς ἄνδρα—a one-woman man. This phrase captures the heart of biblical marriage: exclusive, covenantal, and enduring.

This phrase is often interpreted as a call to marital fidelity, but the word gamos (γάμος, Strong’s G1062) itself offers greater insight. While it is typically translated as “marriage” or “wedding,” in classical and Koine Greek, gamos does not refer primarily to the wedding event. It can—and often does—refer to the sexual union that seals the marital covenant.

Similarly, the verb γαμέω (gameō, Strong’s G1060), meaning “to marry,” is frequently used in contexts that emphasize the sexual consummation of the relationship. This is not mere formality or social recognition—it’s the act of becoming one flesh.

For example:

“The people of this age marry (γαμοῦσιν) and are given in marriage.” (Luke 20:34, LEB)

In ancient Greek literature and in the Septuagint, these words often appear with an implicit physical connotation. In fact, Jewish and Greco-Roman cultures alike understood marriage not as complete until consummated. Thus, marriage was not just a public vow but a private union, and the term gamos reflected that reality.

Theological Significance

This linguistic insight is critical for a biblical theology of marriage. It clarifies several key points:

• Marriage begins with covenant and is sealed with consummation, not ceremony.

• Sex outside of covenant is not just sin—it is a distortion of the very meaning of gamos. It severs the act from its intended context.

• Monogamy, in the biblical sense, is not merely a modern ethical preference. It is a linguistic reflection of exclusive, covenantal, and physical unity.

Thus, when pastors or commentators claim that monogamy is merely a cultural standard or suggest that multiple spouses were “normal” in biblical times, they ignore both the language and the trajectory of Scripture. God’s intention, as demonstrated in both word and creation, is one man, one woman, joined by covenant, sealed in union, and sanctified in lifelong fidelity.

Paul’s Instructions: Roles and Realities

Paul’s letters offer critical structure for Christian marriage:

“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. […] For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” (Ephesians 5:22, 25, NLT)

Submission here is not oppressive. The Greek word ὑποτάσσω (hypotassō, Strong’s G5293) means “to arrange under” in an orderly way. It implies voluntary deference, not forced subjugation.

Likewise, κεφαλή (kephalē, Strong’s G2776), translated “head,” speaks of authority with responsibility and sacrificial care.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul addresses mutual rights and responsibilities:

“The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. In the same way the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” (1 Corinthians 7:3–4, LEB)

Marriage is mutual self-giving—not domination.

Marriage Is Not Mandated for All

One of the more subtle but harmful teachings common in modern church culture—especially in prosperity-leaning circles—is the implicit idea that marriage is a spiritual obligation. Many believers are made to feel incomplete or “out of place” unless they pursue marriage. This is not only unbiblical—it is contrary to the words of both Jesus and Paul.

“Be Fruitful and Multiply” – A Command for Creation, Not a Law for Christians

It’s often said that since God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply,” all Christians are therefore commanded to marry and have children. But this reflects poor hermeneutics.

The passage in question:

“Then God blessed them and said, ‘Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it.’” (Genesis 1:28, NLT)

This is not a universal law for every individual. It is a creation blessing, given at the beginning of humanity’s story when the world was empty. There were exactly two people on earth. The command fits the context—God desired the earth to be filled with human life. But applying this literally to every believer throughout time would create logical absurdities and contradict New Testament teaching. Jesus Himself never married or had children. Neither did Paul. And both affirmed that some are called to celibacy for the sake of the kingdom.

Jesus and Paul on Singleness

Jesus explicitly acknowledged that marriage is not for everyone:

“Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” (Matthew 19:12, NLT)

This was a radical departure from Jewish social norms, where marriage was culturally assumed. Yet Jesus not only accepted singleness—He affirmed it as a higher calling for some.

Paul reinforces this in 1 Corinthians 7, offering a detailed treatment of both marriage and celibacy:

“I want you to be free from concerns. An unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the things of the world, how to please his wife, and he is divided.” (1 Corinthians 7:32–33, LEB)

And again:

“It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1–2, LEB)

Paul’s language throughout this chapter reflects a balanced realism: marriage is good and honorable—but it is not required. In fact, remaining unmarried can offer spiritual advantages. He even states:

“I wish that all were as I myself am.” (1 Corinthians 7:7, LEB)

Paul was celibate and saw his singleness as a gift from God. He did not treat marriage as a universal calling, but as a conditional response to desire and discipline.

False Teachings: Marriage as Proof of Blessing

Modern prosperity-influenced churches often treat marriage as a status symbol—a sign of “God’s favor” or proof of spiritual maturity. This contradicts both the example of Christ and the teaching of the apostles. Nowhere in Scripture is marriage required for ministry, for purpose, or for full participation in the Body of Christ.

• Jesus: unmarried, yet perfectly fulfilled the will of God.

• Paul: unmarried, yet wrote most of the New Testament and carried the gospel across the empire.

Biblical marriage is a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7), not a law. It is not proof of holiness, nor is singleness evidence of lack. If anything, the Bible warns against elevating marriage to a false standard—a form of idolatry disguised as cultural religion.

Common False Teachings Refuted

1. “You need a church wedding.”

   Scripture never requires this. Weddings may be beautiful, but they are not what makes a marriage biblical.

2. “Sex = marriage.”

   Not without covenant. Otherwise, it's fornication (1 Corinthians 6:18).

3. “We’re married in God’s eyes.”

   If there’s no covenant and no public acknowledgment, it’s likely self-deception.

4. “Polygamy is biblical.”

   Descriptive, not prescriptive. The Eden ideal is one man, one woman (Genesis 2:24), and Paul affirms it (1 Timothy 3:2 – “the husband of one wife”).

5. “Same-sex marriage is valid.”

   Romans 1:26–27 clearly condemns same-sex unions as unnatural and dishonoring to God.

6. “Gender roles are outdated.”

   Scripture's design is not cultural but creational. God’s structure is timeless.

Symbolism and the Bride of Christ

Marriage points beyond itself. Revelation 19:7 proclaims:

“Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory, because the wedding celebration of the Lamb has come, and his bride has prepared herself.” (LEB)

This is the culmination of redemptive history: Christ and His Church united forever.

“Then one of the seven angels … said to me, ‘Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb!’” (Revelation 21:9, NLT)

Marriage is not eternal (Matthew 22:30), but its symbolism is. The Bridegroom has come—and marriage prepares us to understand that final union.

Application: Reclaiming Biblical Marriage

• Pursue marriage as covenant, not culture

• Keep sex within that covenant—anything else invites judgment (Hebrews 13:4)

• Wives: honor and support your husbands

• Husbands: love and sacrifice for your wives

• Both: live out the Gospel in your home

Conclusion: The Simplicity and Seriousness of Marriage

Marriage is not defined by paperwork, religious ritual, or cultural trends. It is defined by God. He created it before sin, affirmed it through His prophets, illustrated it through His apostles, and fulfilled it in Christ.

Honor it. Protect it. Don’t overcomplicate it—but never trivialize it.

Marriage is a living testimony of the Gospel.